“She believed she could, so she did.” ~ R. S. Grey, Scoring Wilder
Diagnosed with breast cancer at age 26, Kara Dolce says this phrase inspired her deeply as she made her way through the ups and downs of cancer treatment.
A marketer working at that time with Garnier, a high-end hair styling company, she says it was all she could do to get herself to work. It wasn’t enough that she often didn’t feel well. Among the luxurious manes of her office counterparts, her bald head was like a neon sign saying “I have cancer.”
Kara recognized that she had a crucial choice to make. She could authentically say she felt uncomfortable in an office where the accoutrements of femininity were the subject of so much attention, and take that as a reason to withdraw for the duration. But she realized that in hiding out, she would be giving cancer the power to determine her agenda and self-image.
Instead, Kara chose to focus unswervingly on the thought that someday she would be well again. She refused to see herself as anything but pretty. She wore the most beautiful headscarves and dangling earrings she could find. She was meticulous with her makeup, even on the days she went to chemotherapy.
“A lot of it was ‘fake it ‘til you make it’”, she says today. But her strategy worked. People began to ask “How are you doing this?” From the midst of her struggle, she recognized that people were drawn to her strength, wanting to know how to walk that walk.
Throughout her 4-year treatment and recovery, Kara clung to a pair of little pink boxing gloves, received as a gift, that never failed to inspire her. As she got back on her feet, one day she realized that she was no longer in need of the gloves, and passed them along to a recently-diagnosed friend.
Reflecting on the enduring inspiration the gloves had provided her, and the enthusiasm with which her newly-diagnosed friend received them, Kara realized she had a means to tangibly pass on some of her strength. She started Fighting Pretty, a nonprofit that sends gift boxes to inspire women with cancer. Each gift box is hand-assembled with bright tissue paper and ribbon, and contains a collection of charming, colorful self-care items to help women feel pretty as they continue to fight. Every box contains a personal note from Kara…and a pair of miniature boxing gloves.
Fighting Pretty recently sent out its 1,000th gift box. Kara has been surprised and delighted by the impressive offers of support that have allowed her foundation to grow so quickly. I’m delighted too, but I’m not surprised. That’s the power of belief in your dreams.
What do you think about Kara’s ‘fake it ‘til you make it’ strategy? What has helped you reinforce your self-image on your cancer journey? Leave your comment below – I answer every one!
(And click here to send a gift box to someone you know who’d love a dose of inspiration on their cancer journey!)
Copyright 2015, Shani Fox, ND, LLC.
Keywords: Dr. Shani Fox, cancer inspiration, cancer self-image, cancer survivor story, Fighting Pretty, life after cancer
lauren miller says
As a fellow cancer patient I can appreciate the fake it till you make it strategy. I find myself doing the exact thing. I have done 5 rounds of chemo, only 3 more left;) I have found that I do all I can to make myself feel pretty and keep my attitude positive no matter how bad I feel. I have my kids looking up to me I have to fake of so I don’t see the fear on their faces. The strength shown even faking it helps everyone . I’m 39 going through this to be 26 and have this attitude is truly Amazing.
drshanifox says
Thanks for your comment, Lauren. Family can be such a strong motivator to stand in our strength. Even though it sometimes seems like “faking it”, the underlying thought that “maybe I can be strong for just a little longer” is powerful. Like you said, it brings out strength you may not know you had, and that spills over to everyone around you. Holding healing thoughts for you on the home stretch of treatment, and sending you a virtual hug!
www.beautythroughthebeast.com says
I found your blog through Kara’s Fighting Pretty blog. What an inspiration you both are! I appreciate you two survivors sharing your story and helping to make a difference. I hope to touch survivors as well with my blog http://www.beautythroughthebeast.com
I was recently told something so basic: I have to love and accept myself before I can find someone to love and accept me. Newly single, my long-time boyfriend broke up with me and kicked me out of the house we were living in together when I still had drains in, so you can imagine how “unattractive” I feel after such a heartbreaking episode. I feel more on my feet now, but am still grappling with feeling attractive with the one mastectomy. The other breast will be removed in a month or so, then reconstruction on both. But I get it, I have to work on loving myself on the outside too, not just the inside. I can’t have a man affirm my beauty. So, that’s my work now….I envision hugging myself and lots of self care 🙂
drshanifox says
So glad you reached out, Chiara. You’ve touched on one of the fundamental issues for survivors: being able to love the new version of yourself despite all the changes that have taken place, physical and otherwise.
How hard it must have been to have your relationship dissolve just when you were most vulnerable. You hit the nail on the head in your other comment: some people around us don’t “get it”…and ultimately it’s their loss. Even though it may be hard to see right now, I firmly believe that the Universe removed this partially blind love from your life in order to make way for love that’s deeper and truer, love that will see the beauty in you even in the presence of physical changes.
I applaud you for your courage in documenting your vulnerability on your website (which is terrific, by the way). You’re helping other survivors recognize that they’re not alone in grappling with these emotional issues. I’d like to share your website with my community – I know they’ll be inspired.
You. are. beautiful.
And I’m here to support you in whatever way you need.